Reasons for Crying
- Why Normal Girls Cry: Boyfriends, breakups, getting rejected...normal things
- Why I cry: Fictional characters, when my OTP looks at each other, my ships, fanfiction, pictures of hot, unattainable celebrities, parts in books where characters I liked die, when I watch the movie i've been waiting for FOREVER
Horoscopes
For those unaware, I am a licensed horoscopologist. I have written up what you all can expect today.
Aries - Expect the unexpected. Like a monkey riding a bicycle or a chicken nugget shaped like a dinosaur.
Taurus - You will be abducted by aliens. Wear clean underwear and pre-lube your anus. The stuff they use just isn’t slippery enough.
Gemini - I know you don’t like pooping at the office, but I think you should give it a try today. Public poop anxiety can be conquered.
Cancer - Only you can prevent forest fires. No pressure.
Leo - Make sure your genitals are clean and smell top notch. Spritz them with lavender if you can. I don’t want to give too much away, but someone has been cordially invited to a party in your pants.
Virgo - Nothing interesting will happen to you today. Look at cat pictures on the internet to pass the time.
Libra - Love is in the air. Be sure to sniff vigorously or you could miss it. Clear sinuses if necessary. Try Breathe Right strips. They might look silly, but love sniffing is not something you want to half-ass.
Scorpio - Do not make any hasty purchases today. Tomorrow your foot will fall off and you’ll need the extra cash to have it reattached.
Sagittarius - UPS will finally deliver that package you’ve been waiting for. Unfortunately they will mistakenly give it to your elderly neighbor. Be prepared to explain what a fleshlight is.
Capricorn - Give that Hot Pocket another 10 minutes to cool. I don’t care if you cut it in half to let out the heat. No it’s not okay to eat. Okay fine, eat it. I don’t care.
See… now your mouth is on fire.
Aquarius - Someone will poop in the stall next to you. It’s their first public poop so they’re pretty nervous. It might help if you gave them some encouragement. Like a round of applause if you hear any plops.
Pisces - Today some asshole on the internet is going to tell you that astrology is complete bullshit. That your sign isn’t even your sign because the Earth is wobbly. That astrology isn’t even pseudoscience because that would be an insult to magnetic bracelets and penis enlargement pills.
Sebastian/Jonathan does “bind” Jace to himself - The two souls share one body. They manage to get Sebastian/Jonathan’s soul out of the body and do away with it (They send it to the City Of Lost Souls??), but Jace’s soul must stay in Sebastian/Jonathan’s body. Therefore, if Clary wants to be with Jace, she must physically be with her brother.
Incest, but not at all.
